There are times when it becomes appropriate to walk outside and measure the wind which threatens the integrity of your home. If you have been paying attention, then you have certainly noticed the attack on parental authority. Of course, this has been developing for years, but our “emergency” climate has brewed rather turbulent gusts. Parents have given up discipleship, discipline, and education to outside sources. Now we stand on the precipice of a deep ravine, appalled by our children’s lack of respect and by the government’s insistence that the nuclear home is obsolete.

   How is the Christian to interpret the measurements of these winds? Oftentimes, Christians succumb to secular pressures. Slowly squeezed into the mold of Satan’s design, these believers remain ignorant of their departure from God’s truth until it is too late. What does God’s word say about parental authority? Are we to give way to the experts? What are we to do as parents?

The Fifth Command

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12 ESV

   God’s law serves as a rule of life for believers. After the law convicts us of sin and sends us to Christ, Christ then turns us around with a regenerated heart to obey his law, through love, by His grace. Therefore, when we face issues in our modern context, we must always ask the question “How shall we live”. The answer to this question can always be found in the Ten Commandments and its commentary(all other commands in scripture). 

   A frequent issue that people take up with God’s law is its narrow and negative nature. Some will argue that God’s law cannot address all the complex issues of today’s world. Others will say that the law is just full of negative commands telling you what you can’t do. Both of these assumptions are false. As stated before, God’s law is our rule of life. It encompasses every aspect of our life providing both positive and negative commands. The common issue among the naysayers is a failure to see the backside of commands. 

   What do I mean by the “backside” of a command? Here is an example. The eighth command is “You shall not steal”. The most basic meaning of this command is that you cannot take something that belongs to someone else. That’s the negative, basic meaning. The backside of that command is that someone shall not steal from you. From this understanding, we can establish that God declares men to have property which belongs to them and not other men. This “property right” is established by God who is the giver of property and it shall not be infringed upon by threat of punishment. 

   We can now take that understanding and apply it to the fifth commandment. “Honor your father and mother” is frequently understood to apply only to children. This is the straightforward command, but what is the backside of this? The backside of this command applies to parents in that they are required to teach their children something worth honoring. In fact, it establishes the parents as the primary and highest earthly authority for children. This has drastic implications for our duties and rights as parents. 

The Duties of Parents

   

   As stated before, the entirety of God’s word acts as a commentary on the Ten Commandments. Therefore, we should look at all of God’s word to understand what is meant by “Honor your father and mother”. We will limit our search to the duties of parents in this section of our study. 

   “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”  Deuteronomy 6:4-7 ESV

   In this passage from Deuteronomy, Moses commanded the parents of Israel to teach the law of God diligently to their children. They were to remind their children of their deliverance from bondage by God’s grace. Children are required to honor their parents BECAUSE their parents are required to diligently teach them of God’s salvation and God’s law. Both parties are given responsibility within the commandment. Children are required to honor their parents; parents are required to teach and live out something worth honoring. 

   “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?”  Hebrews 12:7-9 ESV

   While making a larger point about God the Father’s discipline, the author of Hebrews compares it to the discipline we receive from earthly fathers. Christians are to praise God for the discipline he brings into our lives because we understand it purifies us and brings life. Likewise, children should respect their fathers for the discipline they bring into their lives, even though the discipline is hard at the time. Children honor their parents by submitting to their disciplinary action. On the “backside” of this, a father is obeying the fifth commandment by distributing discipline when needed because God has deemed it necessary and worthy of honor. So, children are required to receive discipline with respect; parents are required to give discipline to instill respect. 

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV

   The apostle Paul places his command for fathers in context with the command for children to honor their parents. Paul’s specific command is for fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The word I want to focus on here is “discipline”. The Greek word used for discipline here is “paideia”. Thayer’s Greek Lexicon defines “paideia” as “the whole training and education of children”. Therefore, Paul makes fathers the responsible entity for cultivating their child’s minds and morals. Fathers are not commanded to relegate this responsibility to others with little or no say in the process of their child’s education. In God’s just eyes, parents(particularly fathers) will be held accountable for their child’s education and moral formation. (As a side note, education and moral formation are mutually dependent upon one another and cannot be separated). Children are required to honor their parents’ teaching; parents are required to educate their children. Parents may not directly teach every aspect of their child’s education; however, they will ultimately be held responsible for the results of their child’s education. 

The Rights of Parents

   God has given parents duties for which they are responsible; therefore, parents have certain rights which cannot be encroached upon. Just like our example above regarding theft, there are rights which enable the fulfilling of responsibilities. Liberty is the freedom to do what God has required of you. How does this look in today’s world? Let’s look at our three examples of the duties of parents and see how these duties are being challenged by our society. 

   Parents are required by God to teach their children about salvation found in Christ alone and God’s law as a rule of life. This is being challenged by the modern view of religion as a buffet of ideas that should be taste-tested before filling your plate. One doesn’t have to search long before finding a parent who says “I want my child to learn about all religions so they become well-rounded”. Religion has become a mere cultural add-on rather than the bedrock of culture. As a result of this philosophy, parents who obey God’s command are seen as hindering their child’s development and promoting prejudice and elitism. 

   Parents are required to discipline their children to instill respect for their teaching and respect for God’s commands. Society’s reaction to discipline has been the most obvious rejection of all the duties of parents. Corporal punishment has long been viewed with looks of horror by the general public. While there are examples of actual child abuse in the name of discipline, there have been many parents reported to government authorities for practicing what God has commanded them to do. Corporal punishment isn’t the only area of revolt. The very act of holding a child responsible for their actions is rejected by so many parents and leaders in society. The root issue lies in believing children are perfect and unsoiled until we mess them up, rather than the sinners bound up in folly that the Bible describes. Children need discipline and correction from their parents, but our society wants to strip that away.

   Parents are required to see to the education of their child in both mind and morals. News cycles are littered with examples of parents arguing in school board meetings about the content of their curriculum. This has been a growing trend as at-home learning protocols have revealed what is really taught in schools. If you listen closely, you can hear the response to this trend from the educational elite. The response goes something like this: “You aren’t the expert on education; we are. So sit down, shut up, and let us continue to teach your children what we see fit.” This is a direct contradiction to God’s command for a father to raise his child in the paideia of the Lord. 

   The situation seems dire indeed. Our governing authorities seem to be purposely separating children from the authority of their parents; however, we cannot place all the blame on our government. Lack of freedom arises from forfeited responsibilities. Parents have ceded all of their responsibilities to other entities and the results have been disastrous for our children. We have violated the backside of the fifth command while bemoaning our children’s violation of the frontside of it.

   Freedom is regained through the taking up of responsibility. If we want to see our God-given rights to parent taken seriously, then we must obey God’s law. We must reject the pluralism of our society and teach our children the exclusive doctrine of salvation in Christ alone. We must discipline our children with the punishments and corrections that God has revealed to us. We must assume responsibility for our children’s education by directly educating them through homeschooling or indirectly educating them through organized Christian education which we monitor thoroughly. God will continue to give us over to tyranny so long as we continue in disobedience to His commands. The path forward is obedience to God’s commandments, in this case, obedience to the backside of the fifth.